How many partners? Am I bad?
 

Earlier this afternoon the topic of “how many past sexual partners have you had” came up between my boyfriend and me. When he told me 7, I thought he was joking and laughed out loud. When I realized he was serious, I didn't want to tell him my number. He pressed for it anyways and when he found out I was in the 30's he looked at me weird. I'm not bad right? What happened in the past is exactly that, the past. We all went to college; we know what that is like. :confused: :( Please help me guys.

Tucson ADPi, please check your PMs!

Did you see the Will & Grace episode when Grace and Nathan talk about that for the first time? This makes me think of that.

I don't think that 30 is that high of a number. I know some of my sorority sisters have gone way over that. Your boyfriend sounds like a prude.

I was thinking about the episode the other night! I was trying to figure out if it "worse" to have slept with a lot of people very few times or a few people a ton of times. I couldn't make up my mind.

TucsonADPi~ tell your man as long as ya'll are committed to each other it doesn't matter how many people you've been with.

why do people still have this conversation?

don't ask questions you can't handle the answer to.

i've had this convo before and in my opinion it's never a "good" convo to have - somebody always gets hurt - like others have said, as long as you're committed now, why should it matter?

I am dreading the day that I have to have this conversation.

Not on my side, because I do not make a secret of the fact that I'm in the same boat as JocelynC.

But on the other person's side.

I honestly do not know what would bother me more- a promiscuous period that you regret, or multiple intercourse times in many relationships (as compared to one or two) that were healthy but simply did not work out.

I would feel very uncomfortable with someone who is significantly more experienced than I am. As well as with someone who thinks he can have premarital sex because he's male, but expects his bride to be a virgin and requires it (as compared to someone who simply does not care about his wife's experience level). And of course- I do not want someone who will think less of me because of my lack of experience, which is simply by my choice.

Hopefully I will find someone who shares my morals in theory and in practice.

Tucson ADPi,
Please let us know if Honeychile gave you a sisterly rebuke via private message!

For reals, I can't even imagine why anybody would care about someone's number. I'd be creeped out by a guy with a very, very low one, but other than that, wouldn't care. If a guy ever wanted to get all judgmental about mine, I'd know that it's because his insecure, inexperienced self couldn't handle it, and I probably wouldn't waste my time with him anyway.

For me the number is zero, solely because I just haven't felt the need for that sort of relationship so far. If something comes along, great, if not though, it doesn't bother me too much. I've got more important things on my list to worry about, and I'm happy just having a absolutely fantastic lot of friends. :)

To me, 30 is a crazy-lot (but 7 is a lot to me too - maybe I'm just young, naive, and inexperienced). I'm not judging one's experiences or whether it's good or bad. I would want to make sure that all of those experiences were safe ones...the more partners...the larger chance of exposure to STDs, etc. I think keeping it on one hand is the way I plan to go.

^^^ 30 sounds like a lot of people. I understand being in college but you have to use wisdom and have self-respect as well. College is a time to have fun and wild out but it is not necessarily time to treat your body like a trash can for anyone willing to let you put your garbage in or needing to deposit garbage into.
As for the guy having too few partners, I think it is sad that people feel that way, but yet when a guy is jumping from woman to woman he is viewed as a "dog." So a woman can decide that she doesn't want to put herself at risk for STIs, emotional problems and babies from 10 different people but a man can't do the same? I would respect a man who didn't have a list in the triple digits or better yet one in which he could not even remember all the names and faces. To me that is totally disgusting.
So the question is what do you do now? You felt like there must have been something wrong with him for only having been with 7 people, but then you can't handle the fact he looked at you crazy when you said 30+. Prehaps you should both try to leave the past where it is... it can't be changed now and just move on from today. If that is possible, then just let it go. It may seem like something minor but it may not be. Good luck

I'm sorry. I know this is a cheap shot, but please take it in the fun manner in which it intended.

But...

Where were you women when I was in college?

Valkyrie- I would not be creeped out in the least bit. On the contrary, I would be proud of him. Sure sure, there could be a not so healthy explanation. But I am willing to give a person the benefit of the doubt. And if there were a majorly problematic reason, it would have manifested itself in other ways.

HFLaura- Yay! That is a great attitude to have.

Totallycommitted- I hate double standards very much. All of them- not just this one. And as you said, they hurt men as much as they hurt women. I know someone who did sleep around during a problem period- and the person deeply regrets it and it majorly hurt psychologically even though there were no concrete consequences (no STDs or unwanted pregnancies).

Well, that's the thing -- it's different for everybody. I wouldn't want a guy who is any of the following:

-inexperienced
-unattractive/otherwise unappealing
-religious

By the time a guy is in his mid-20s or so, I think those are the most likely reasons for a guy having a very, very low number. Someone else might like, for example, a Christian guy who wants to save himself for the right person -- I, however, would run for the hills.

ETA: And LOL @ Delt Alum. ;)

Well, I do want a fine Christian gentleman who has saved himself for the right person :) That's for sure. In my book: the less experienced, the better.

I do not know for sure what you mean by attractive. But let's just say I do care about looks. I do not want or need a GQ model- just someone who is at least decent looking and takes good care of himself.

I'm not a religious fanatic either. I do have a healthy attitude towards human sexuality and believe that it is for the union of two persons who love each other, not just for reproduction. But I do have Christian morals.

Told you I was a square peg in a round hole!

My boyfriend and I are each other's one and only. I've always said I was going to have my one and only at the end of the aisle, we just haven't gotten to the whole aisle part yet.

It's nice how you are saying you have "christian morals" while slamming the beliefs of Roman Catholics (who, hi, are Christian!) by erroneously stating them and belittling them at the same time. :eek:

"is Roman Catholic"

"just got home from Mass"

And the Roman Catholic church in no way says that sex is only for reproduction. That is a misconception. The HQ may be opposed to artificial birth control under most circumstances, but in no way does it state that sex is just for procreation.

And where did I mention the Catholic church in my previous post anyway? I am stating that I know people of many denominations who think that sex is only for making babies, and that any sex for love or pleasure is sinful.

Is Roman Catholic. Goes to a Catholic law school. Went to a Catholic university. Serves as a hospitality minister at Mass. Has served as a lector and an acolyte in the past.

Your post came off as very judgmental. If people think that sex is only for reproduction, that's fine for them.

I do not care what anyone except for my sexual partners does in the bedroom.

By no means am I promiscuous, but I can see how you have 30some partners and while growing up that number would have sounded huge to me, now I think differently... and as not to get people judging me, check your pm's. :)

co sign the above

Thirty sounds high coming from a girl to me. That being said, I don't think its unrealistic, its just that no sorority girl around here would ever claim that many.

GeekyPenguin- I sure did not mean to offend anyone. I am not a judgmental person. I just wanted to make sure that everyone knows that I (just me as an individual) do not think that sex is just for reproduction. I don't want people jumping to conclusions just because I belong to a given group or have not done certain things yet.

It's not the real Honeychile so I highly doubt it.

DA! Imposters abound!

When the real GREEKCHAT is back we will see Who is Who and What is What! :mad:

I myself have bene threatend with THE AUTHORITYS! :eek:

Tom Earp, you make me laugh.

I think age makes a difference
 

Quick question. . . . . How old are you????

22


:eek:

just playing

They hadn't even been born yet, lol. ;)

This is never a good conversation topic so I suggest you avoid it entirely.

If someone asked me this question (after two marriages and two kids), I'd tell him that obviously, if I'd sleep with him, I'd sleep with anybody.

Then again, I'm cynical that way!

What a freakin whore. Yo baby girl, gimme yo numba...and I'll call!!!!

Infact, hook me up with the rest of ur adpi sistuhz if they are anything like you. you better not be fat though

Around these parts, we call those guys "idiots."

Anyone who still espouses that sort of double standard is someone you shouldn't waste your time talking to for 3 minutes, let alone dating and definitely not marrying.

Now if he's remained a virgin too, that's all good.

Oh, and small number of partners doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't know what he's doing - especially if he was with the same girl for a long time and they had to find ways to spice things up. :)

Just because they wouldn't claim it doesn't mean that the number isn't there. I knew a lot of sorority girls that were closet nymphos (for lack of a better term), but no one would have suspected.

Tuscon ADPi, I am in no way passing judgement on you and no one really needs to worry about the number but you. If you find yourself in this situation again I advise lie and say 5. If he asks the question he doesn't really need to know the answer anyway. The truth no matter how few or many will always make a boy crazy and jealous.

I'm going to be 27 in July and I've had 41.

Don't worry about it.

My last serious BF was fine with my #, which at the time was only 36.

I don't know how you keep track of that many?? Keep a list?? Notches on your bedpost?? If I had to figure out how many guys I've dated (DATED, not slept with), it would take me weeks, and I bet it's under 15. My slept with # is pretty low, but I married young. Meh.:)

ETA: I'm not saying that if I were a bit older and still single, that I wouldn't be up higher in the numbers, I just don't think I would know what my exact # was.

what the hell is wrong with me?


seriously, this thread makes me suicidal